The Friday Five, November 18, 2011

FIVE FIRST AND LAST LINES FROM FIVE PLAYS I'LL NEVER FINISH WRITING

by Matt Raudsepp of Matt and Kyle and Matt

1.

Curtain.

Eloise Tree enters her modest apartment and collapses onto her couch, face first.

Eloise: (muffled) hmmpf mm hmm ab tull!

[...]

Eloise spins around and falls into Dr. Gully-Veneer's chest.

Eloise: (muffled) grambbmmm hmmpf yub refwoo!

Fin.

2.

Curtain.

Me: Happy birthday, Mittens and Smokey.

[...]

Me: Happy birthday, Smokey. I'm sorry... Oh god, I miss Mittens so much!

Fin.

3.

Curtain.

Snow falls. A pile of snow on stage is being used to make a snow angel by a child in snowsuit.

Bobby: Christmas!

[...]

A pool of water on stage. Bobby in his snowsuit, soaking wet.

Bobby: Global warming.

Fin.

4.

Curtain.

Lively bar. A short man and a tall woman stand at center. She is sawing something with her back to the audience. She turns and reveals her cut off heels.

Marion: Better?

[...]

Stanley waits.

Marion: (from within the hole she has now dug) This is my final offer!

Stanley slaps his hand to his forehead.

Fin.

5.

Curtain.

Five retirees carrying luggage and wearing safari attire arrive on a train platform at the same time.

Mindy: Va-CAY-tion!

[...]

Long pause. Mindy is the only one to step off the train, her scar is less pronounced. She still limps, though. She reveals the diamond.

Mindy: And she lived happily ever after! (diabolical laughter)

Fin.