Sunday Feature: First-person - Priscila Uppal on 6 Essential Questions

Fear of Brazilians, Mothers, and other Essential Things
by Priscila Uppal

Priscila Uppal is an internationally-acclaimed Toronto poet, fiction writer, essayist, memoirist, playwright, and York University professor. Among her publications are eight collections of poetry, including Ontological Necessities (shortlisted for the $50,000 Griffin Poetry Prize); and the novels The Divine Economy of Salvation (2002) and To Whom It May Concern (2009). Time Out London dubbed her “Canada’s coolest poet.” The World Premiere of 6 Essential Questions is based loosely on the memoir.

Since I am a poet, I will begin with a poem.

I’m Afraid of Brazilians or Visiting the Ancestral Homeland is Not the Great Ethnic Experience Promised by Other Memoirs

Against all political correctness, 
I must say it,
I must admit:
I’m afraid of Brazilians.

I don’t like them.
I don’t like this country.
I don’t like this language.
I don’t even like this currency. 

And not in the mystical sense.
Or the abstract.
Or the perfectly hypothetical.

I can’t blame this fear
on movies, or television programming,
or the front covers
of Time magazine.
No.

I’m afraid of Brazilians.
I am visiting Brazil
(my mother’s country)
and I’m afraid, truly afraid
of every Brazilian I meet.

This is not something you can say
in a poem, you tell me.
Please don’t compose this poem
here: in broad daylight
where any self-respecting Brazilian
could feel perfectly justified
peeking over your shoulder
to see what you’ve written.

Please, not so loud, you say.
You haven’t given them a chance.

You’re right, I admit.
(I can certainly admit it.)
I’ve given them no chance
to please me. Don’t you 

understand, this is the nature
of being afraid, and this is
the nature of the poem
I am writing, which must
get written, no matter
what the climate

or the reception
(here, in my mother’s country
or abroad
or in my own ears).